Showing posts with label Graham. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Graham. Show all posts

Friday, January 30, 2015

Clucky Like a Hen

I'm turning 28 this year. No big deal. But Graham and I have been married for well over three years now, and we're still childless. And this doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. 

Am I too old for children now? Are we just being selfish, living without children? How come I haven't followed in my mum's footsteps yet, and had a big family? The answer is this: it is not by our choice, but by circumstance that we have no little McInnes'. And I would give up so much to be able to have just one baby soon.

You see, I have been clucky for years. My sister-in-laws would bring their beautiful babies around to visit, and I'd coo and play with them. Friends would show off their baby pictures on Facebook, and I'd marvel over every one. It seemed so easy to have children! Friends years younger than me were getting married and immediately having babies, sometimes two or three within several years. And they sounded so happy and content (albeit chronically sleep deprived!) that I wanted to emulate them. Oh yes, I'd love a baby.

But, try as we might, I never seemed to fall pregnant. One year went by, then another. Months of waiting, hoping and praying seemed to do no good. So I went off to the doctor.

It seems I have a few things working against me. My weight (which I've discussed in an earlier post; Big Girl... Are You Beautiful?) is working against me. That hurts; to think that a lifetime of eating struggles might rob me of something I deeply desire. Plus, some of my bipolar medications were messing with my hormones. Apparently this is a side effect that my doctors had conveniently forgotten to tell me about!

So I have a plan. Graham and I are eating far more healthily now. I've been seeing a nutritionist, and I'm now far more knowledgeable about what I eat. Add to that a daily swim in the pool, and I'm trying to control my weight. 

Plus, I'm having all my medications changed. We're trying to stop me taking most of them, as many medications are not particularly good for an unborn child. It scared me a bit at first - I've been dependent on these meds to stay sane for years. And while I'm reducing my dosages gradually, it's true that I am wobbling a bit, mood-wise. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what I can do without, and what is absolutely essential for my sanity.

So, you see, while there's obstacles in the way of my dreams, hopefully they're not insurmountable. And I hope that I can use this time to prepare better for an eventual child. One thing is certain though:

If Graham and I have a baby, that baby will be very, very loved.


This is me as a baby! Doesn't my mum look beautiful?!

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Couple That Game Together...



When Graham and I met, it didn't look as if we had much in common. I was a chubby ex-nun with a social life consisting of church events, while Graham was a programming student at TAFE with a gaming obsession. I remember most of our first dates revolving around various movies, followed by dinner.

This was nice and safe, but eventually, we ran out of movies we wanted to watch in the cinema. Plus, it was really expensive. We tried various activities - swimming, picnics, going to the beach, but soon realised that we were both homebodies. If given the choice between going out and staying at home, we found ourselves preferring to relax at home. But what should we do there?

For all that he enjoyed spending time with me, Graham started to miss his gaming hobby. He talked about it a bit with me, but I had little understanding, having spent two years in a convent where all electronics were shunned. I realised that computer games meant a lot to him, and I was happy to listen to him talk about them, and watch him play them, but I didn't show any inclination to join in.

Eventually, I think Graham realised I was unwilling to join him in his hobby, not because I thought it silly, but because I felt I would be bad at them. He asked me if I had ever played any computer games. I thought about it, and then remembered an old game from years ago. It involved building a civilisation up, from having just one or two little peasants to a thriving city with farms, castles, monasteries, soldiers and cavalry. The aim of the game was either to destroy all one's opponents, or completely advance through all historical ages and build a world Wonder before anyone else.

I couldn't remember the game's name, but I told Graham about it anyway. Surprisingly, he recognised it from my description, and had a copy of it at home. He installed it on my laptop. 

As I played it, all these memories came flooding back. The game was called Age of Empires, and I had played it with my brothers. Unfortunately, limited playing time, and several siblings clamoring for a turn had made completing a game very difficult. I remembered how much I had enjoyed playing. Then Graham asked if I wanted to play with him. I agreed, and we sat down and built civilisations together all day.

I think it was then I became a gamer.

It didn't take long for me to feel comfortable learning new games, and Graham and I became gaming enthusiasts. We spent hours together enjoying games - much to the chagrin of Graham's parents, who had hoped a girlfriend would get him out of the house! But we were happy. We had found something we truly enjoyed doing together.

I am glad we found gaming good as a shared hobby. We initially had little in common, and it would have been easy for us to have drifted away from each other over time. But now, Graham and I are best friends, able both to work and play together. And, to be honest, I get a kick out of beating him at his own games now!



Now, I'm sorry, but I have to go. I think I need to play a round of Age of Empires...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Our Babies

Graham and I own two purebred Belgian Shepherd dogs. They look like this:



I say Graham and I, but I really only came into the picture 3 years ago. Graham's dogs have been around much longer. He adopted both of them from the local pound while he was still in highschool. We think Bungo must be around 11 years old, while Samurai (or Sam, as we normally call him) is a year or two younger. While it is the pound policy to never give out information on the dog's previous history, Graham's sister, who works for the council, had given us some idea of their background. Bungo, our girl, was given up for adoption by a breeder as a puppy, while Sam was abandoned by his owners and spent several months wandering the streets of Perth before he ended up at the pound.

They are magnificent dogs - pure black, with deep brown eyes and white patches on their chests. It is hard to believe they could have been in the pound, they look so good. We often get stopped while walking them, with people curious to know what breed they are. Even the vet admires them!



Of course, every dog owner knows that a dog's behaviour can completely contradict their outward appearance. And while Bungo and Sam look majestic and poised, their behaviour is anything but that. They can be noisy, affectionate, playful and frustrating - but never calm and relaxing!

People often can't tell the difference between our two dogs, but it is obvious to us. Both their appearance and behaviour is so markedly different, we have never had trouble identifying them - except perhaps at night, if one of us happens to stumble on a dog in the dark. Bungo is slim to the point of emaciated. She is like this, no matter how much we feed her, and it has led to some awkward conversations with the vet and dog groomer where we try to explain that, yes she eats often and well, but never seems to put weight on. She is going grey around the muzzle and has marked white eyebrows from age. And, even if we can't see that from a distance, we can always tell Bungo from her gait. At the ripe old age of 11, she is developing arthritis in her hips, which leads her to trot stiff-legged. We feed her fish-oil to help combat the condition, and she is as active as ever, but the stiffness remains.



Bungo's personality is also unique. She was probably the runt of her litter, being small and slim, and also markedly nervous. She hates loud noises, particularly the sound of metal on metal. It took Bungo over a year of me living in the same house as her for her to fully accept me. She is also a bit of a princess, and has been known to turn up her nose at food she doesn't like. Bungo is especially picky when it comes to dry dog food. She tends to hide it in places where she can eat it later, before sorting it by order of colour, and finally eating it in order of most tasty first. 

This became a problem, as Sam has no such compulsions, and follows her in order to steal her food. We eventually gave up on feeding them dry food altogether, and Graham teases me when I put together meals for the dogs consisting of selected left-overs, specially bought kangaroo mince and other oddments to make sure they get a balanced diet!

Sam is in some ways the polar opposite to Bungo. Noisy, brash and greedy, he is still very affectionate and will do anything for a treat and praise. He is bigger than Bungo, with a thicker coat and less grey hairs. He is very territorial, and a real headache when he tries to outbark the neighbours' dogs. For all his noise, he is a sook, and terrified of other dogs.



Sam is insatiable, and has been known to chew on anything, from DVDs, to dishcloths, to my father-in-law's work ID. We haven't been able to break him from stealing food, something we think he started while lost on the streets. As soon as everyone's backs are turned, he will audaciously jump up and take whatever food is sitting out. In this way he's gotten steak, whole loaves of bread, and even a full kilo block of cheese!

I write all this, and I realise it may sound like we have two monsters to care for. I can't emphasis enough how much I love the dogs, bad behaviour and all. When I am feeling terrible, their unconditional love comforts me, and it is good to feel like one never needs to be alone in the house.

Graham, I know, cares for the dogs even more than I do. He has so much patience with them, and is willing to do or pay whatever it takes to make sure they are healthy and happy. Are the dogs too hot in the summer? Graham will gladly take time off in order to get them clipped, and will also sacrifice a chunk of his pay on getting the best groomer. Do the dogs need exercise? Then he will put aside his computer games and walk them, swim with them, or take them to the local dog beach. Do they need arthritis treatment or a biopsy or have they torn their pads? Graham notices immediately and will drop everything to get them to a vet.

It is for these reasons I have titled this post "Our Babies". For, even though we have no children yet, caring for two needy dogs has shown me the fatherly side of Graham. I know when we have children, Graham will be a wonderful father. In the meantime, we look after our affectionate furry babies, dealing with all frustrations for the joy of their love and loyalty.

And, if you are ever looking for a dog, get a Belgian Shepherd - they are beautiful. The Complete Dog Book For Kids © 1996, John Wiley & Sons, Inc. praises their intelligence, saying:

Belgian Sheepdogs have proved their smarts many times over. They perform well in sports like obedience, herding, and tracking. They work as search and rescue dogs, guide dogs, and therapy dogs. Most heroically, they performed valuable services during World Wars I and II. They carried messages, pulled ambulance wagons and machine guns, and guarded military sites.

While ours aren't quite that heroic, it's nice to know they could be trained to do such wonderful things!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Some Observations On Sleeping

Queen beds are wonderful to sleep in, particularly when one has a husband to snuggle with. Over the couple of months we have been married, Graham and I have experienced how nice it is to fall asleep in the others' arms.



Of course, it is summer now, and here in Perth it is very hot. 40 degrees or more during the day, and not very much less at night, combined with no air-conditioning in our little bedroom, makes sleep difficult. I go to bed at a reasonable time and attempt to sleep, but often after Graham has drowsed off, I am forced to get up and wait until the temperature has descended to an acceptable level.

The problem is, when I return, Graham has usually rolled into the middle of the bed. And his default position to sleep in is usually "The Starfish".

Like this:




And I have to push hard to get him to roll over.

Graham tells me, however, that I am not blameless in my sleeping habits. Apparently I am greedy when it comes to the blankets and pillows, and Graham has often woken in the middle of night to find me wrapped in all the blankets, and using all the pillows. I wrap myself so tight, it is near impossible for him to get anything back, and thus he has often been forced to sleep in the cold.



But once we have both fallen asleep, Graham has one more trick that has startled me several times.

I lie, asleep, or very drowsy, when Graham rolls over, grabs my shoulder and whispers urgently:

"It's ok! I have enough gold for the two of us!" 

- before he promptly rolls back over and starts to snore. I try to wake him and ask what he was talking about, but even when he wakes, he has no idea what he said. Eventually I work out that we had been playing a computer game together, one which involved earning money in order to buy soldiers, and Graham had been careful to share his good fortune so that I could have as strong an army as he. Obviously he had been so focused, he was still playing in his sleep!

I have never experienced sleep-talking before (although I think one of my brothers tried to sleep-walk out of his upper-bunk-bed once!), and now I find it very funny. I only wish I was awake to hear what Graham says more often.

I might go to sleep now, as I think the temperature is dropping. Time to wrestle some space off my husband!

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Sharing of a First Kiss


Can you remember your first romantic kiss? Who was it? Are you still in contact with that person, or have they drifted away on the tides of life?

When I was 21, I wasn't sure I was ever going to have a first kiss. At an age when many people have had a romance of some kind, I had never had a boyfriend. Maybe the two years I had spent in a convent had had something to do with it. In any case, I had managed to crush most expectations of a relationship in my mind. They happened to other people. I was just glad if I could make friends. I was living in a single room in Perth, Western Australia, with my family living all the way on the other side of the country. I decided friends were essential, and I was glad for all they did for me, but I tried not to expect any more.

And so, when Graham asked for my number after giving me ride home from youth group one night, I told myself it was just so we could organise future lifts. Graham was a nice young man, quiet, with an unexpected sense of humour. I liked him, but I thought he was just being nice to the chubby girl who needed a lift home.

I entered his number in my mobile, and promptly forgot about it.

A few days later, I walked home from work. I'd arranged to go to the movies with a workmate, and I was keen to shower and change before she came to pick me up. I walked into my room, threw my bag and phone onto my bed and jumped in the shower. After I'd finished, I walked back to the bed and realised I had a message. My heart sank. I was sure Katie was cancelling on me.

I read the message. "Hi, it's Graham. I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie with me tonight?"


I'd been asked out. I was stunned, and I had to re-read the message several times for it to really sink in. Eventually, I replied, enthusiastically accepting. Then I wrote another message, to cancel my evening with my workmate.

"Katie, I'm really sorry, but I am not going to be able to go out with you tonight. I have a date! YAY! I'm so excited!!! Wish me luck!"

I hit send, and then realised. I hadn't sent the text message to Katie. I'd hit "reply".

I'd sent the message to Graham.

In an instant, my dream of impressing Graham with my poise and charm crumbled, and I was hit by a wave of embarrassment. He probably thought I was silly now, some relationship-obsessed girl who took a simple evening at the movies as a sign of something much more significant than it was.

It didn't take long for my phone to beep again. I had another message. I checked it. It was very simple.

"I think you sent your last message to the wrong number. I'm glad you're excited. What time shall I pick you up?"

And, even though tone is hard to express through text, I felt better. I realised Graham didn't mind my silly text message, and my forthcoming evening started to shine with excitement again.

Our evening went really well, and on the way home our conversation turned to when we would see each other again. We decided that the next evening was fine for both of us. Graham pulled into my driveway, and parked the car. I started to say goodbye, when we kissed.

My first kiss.

And then we said goodbye, and I went inside, only to lie awake all night in astonishment at how fast life could change.

When I look back on it now, I realise this story is probably very typical. The interest comes from what stemmed from our first date. The man who asked me out on my first date and shared my first kiss, also became my first boyfriend. Eventually, he asked me to marry him, and in October of 2011, I did. I love Graham so much.

Most of the time, life is not like a fairytale. People usually fumble their way through their relationships, learning through experience and heartbreak. I don't know why Graham and I were so lucky, or why we never made a major mistake. I can only believe that we were meant for each other, and that we are being guided through our relationship. I don't know where we will end up, but I am grateful, right now, that we are so happy, and have shared nearly three years of joy together. I pray all my friends find where they are meant to be and find themselves as happy as I am now.


Thank you for reading my rather soppy post. I leave you now with a picture of Graham and I, taken right after we totalled up the cost of a wedding: